Why family holidays are so hard to agree on
A family is a group of people with very different ideas of a good time, all trying to agree on one week. A toddler needs a nap and a paddling pool. A teenager wants wifi and something to post. One parent wants to lie down; the other wants to climb something. Grandparents might be coming too.
On top of that, the decision usually falls to one person. They do the research, suggest a few places, and then field the objections. It's tiring, and it often ends with a holiday that suits the organiser and gets a lukewarm "fine" from everyone else.
The answer isn't to find a perfect place for everyone. It's to give everyone a real say in how the choice is made, so they're part of the decision rather than on the receiving end of it.
Start with what you loved last time
Before anyone suggests anywhere new, talk about past holidays. Which was the best one, and why? Which day does everyone still talk about? Which one would nobody go back to?
You'll quickly find what really matters to your family. Maybe it was the villa with the pool, not the city. Maybe it was the long drive with the stops along the way, or the week where nobody had to get in a car. These are much better clues to your next holiday than any list of top destinations.
If you keep a record of where you've been, it's easy to look back. In somewhere🎉, the Been tab keeps your trips as postcards, with who went and what everyone thought.
Let everyone add ideas, including the youngest
Ask everyone to suggest at least one place they'd love to go, with no judging yet. Put all of them in one shared list, rather than scattered across the family group chat, so nobody's idea gets lost.
Children's ideas count too. A six-year-old who wants to "see a volcano" or a teenager who wants to go to Tokyo is telling you something useful, even if you don't end up there. And a child who sees their idea on the list is much more likely to be happy with the result.
If people are stuck, browse some destination guides together, or start from a month, like where to go in February.
Agree the non-negotiables as adults first
Some things aren't up for a family vote. Whoever's paying sets the budget. School holidays set the dates. Someone who hates flying, a baby's sleep or a grandparent's mobility might set how far you can travel.
Sort these out between the adults first, then share them before the ideas are compared. It's much kinder to rule out a long-haul trip at the start than to let a child get excited about it and then say no.
A short list of rules is enough:
- When: the exact dates or the week you're aiming for
- Budget: roughly what you can spend, all in
- Travel: the longest journey you're happy with, and whether flying is fine
- Must-haves: a pool, a beach, snow, or anything else that's a deal-breaker
Give each person an equal say
Once the list is down to places that fit, it's time to choose. A show of hands rarely works in a family. Older children outvote younger ones, people vote for whatever the loudest person wants, and it doesn't show how strongly anyone feels.
A fairer way is to give everyone the same number of points, say 10, and let them spread them in secret. Someone who's set on one place can put everything on it; someone happy with several can share them out. Give each person one veto too, for the place they really can't face.
Doing it in secret matters. Children often copy a parent, and parents often hold back to keep the peace. When nobody can see anyone else's choices, everyone says what they actually want. For more on the different ways to vote, see fair ways to pick a holiday.
Let a draw make the final call
Add up the points and turn them into tickets in a draw. The places with the most support have the best chance of winning, but nobody's favourite is ruled out just because someone else argued harder.
It sounds odd to leave a holiday to chance, but it takes the sting out of the decision. Nobody won the argument and nobody lost it. And the moment of the draw, with everyone watching, becomes part of the holiday.
This is exactly what somewhere🎉 does: everyone adds ideas, spreads their points in secret and gets one veto, then a departures board reveals the winner. You can read more in our guide to how to decide where to go on holiday.