You might not have to choose
Beach or city? Lazy or active? Hot or cool? It often feels as if one person has to give up their idea for someone else's. But plenty of places and plans can give everyone a bit of what they want. Before you hold a vote, see whether you can combine the ideas instead.
Find out what each person actually wants
"I want a beach" might really mean "I want to swim every day" or "I want to do nothing for a week". "I want a city" might mean good food, museums or just somewhere lively in the evening. Ask everyone what they'd do on their perfect day. The answers usually overlap more than the place names do, and they're much easier to combine.
Pick somewhere that does both
Some places are made for groups who can't agree. A city with a beach, or a beach with a great old town, keeps the sun-seekers and the sightseers happy in one trip:
- Barcelona, Valencia and Lisbon: big cities with beaches a short trip away
- Crete and Madeira: beaches and pools, plus gorges, hikes and towns to explore
- Lake Garda: swimming, boat trips and mountains, with Verona close by
- Cape Town, Sydney and San Diego: further away, but city, beach and wildlife in one
Our beach holidays and city breaks pages are a good place to spot others that appear on both lists.
Split the trip in two
A two-centre holiday gives you two different places in one trip: a few days in a city, then a week by the sea, or a mountain cabin followed by a lake. It works best when the two places are connected by a short train or drive, so you don't lose a day travelling in the middle. Lisbon and the Alentejo coast, or Verona and Lake Garda, are easy pairings.
Split the days instead
If you're staying in one place, plan the week so everyone gets their days. Alternate a busy day with a lazy one, or let each person choose one day out. Mornings for sightseeing and afternoons by the pool works well in hot places, when the middle of the day is too hot for walking anyway.
It also helps to agree that people don't have to do everything together. One parent takes the children to the water park while the other goes to the museum, and you meet up for dinner.
Take turns across the year
If the ideas really can't be combined, let one person's idea win this time and agree whose turn it is next. A short break later in the year for the runner-up idea can soften the blow. Keep all the ideas that didn't win on a list, so they don't get forgotten.
If you still can't agree, let a draw decide
When there's no way to combine everyone's wishes, you need a fair way to choose one. Give everyone the same number of points to spread across the ideas in secret, plus one veto, and let a draw weighted by the points pick the winner. Nobody has to argue, and everyone had the same say. Our post on fair ways to pick a holiday explains why it works.